We have been together for what seems like an eternity and even though I love you, all I have wanted these past few years is to fall back IN love with you. I've wanted to make you feel like you're my everything, hold and kiss you passionately like you want, and fall asleep in each others' arms like we used to... Back when we had the mindset of teenagers and thought our love could prevail... I never wanted anyone else but you... Even when you wanted everyone else but me, all I wanted was you. I can't make myself feel something I don't. And I feel ashamed, guilty, and confused because I don't want you intimately anymore but I'm still afraid of losing you. For so many years, I had the thought that because we loved each other, we would find a way to make it work and that things would get better. I wanted nothing but you and I wished so desperately that these feelings would go away so I could leave the mess we created together and start over.... Start over where lovers don't have old grudges against each other or bring up the past... Where when lovers look at each other, all we think about is right now, in this moment, just us. When I told you that it could take some time, but I could forgive you... I truly believed that. I thought my love for you was so incredibly strong, I thought I could get over it, erase the memories from my mind like I erased the pictures from my phone. I'm sorry. I want to fall in love, I want to feel those overwhelming desires again, make a home, and have children with someone I love and I'm in love with. I pretend I don't want a baby anymore, but I do. I want to love and care for a baby and I feel ashamed for wanting that. For so long I've wanted that to be with you, but I don't know if it will be? I really do believe that everything happens for a reason... If all the signs show we aren't meant to be together, why do I keep wanting us to be together? Why do I see it as failing and giving up when it really could just be moving on? We are together all the time and I feel so alone. So lonely. And I know you do too. I love you and I want you to be happy as much as I want to be happy. I don't think we want the same things anymore. I want these things when its not the right time or the right place in my life.... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think we can fix things anymore. I'm so heartbroken. I'm so very sorry.